The One-Minute Man

This is a dreadful title or nickname any guy would want to have.

I remember speaking about this with a female friend and she felt that having a man who lasts only one minute is worse than having a man with a small tool. I quite agree with her.

Look at things from the woman's point of view. A bird is so heated up but only gets one minute worth of plumbing on her pipe. To make things worse, some guys who embarassingly sprayed the seeds earlier than planned actually go off to a deep sleep, leaving the birds to wonder what a bad choice they've made in choosing a one-minute man.

I'm no difference from the average guy and definitely suffered the embarassment plenty of times. So I thought I could come up with some tips for all the brothers out there.

Brothers, in the event you suffer from early discharge (read Premature Ejeculation):

1. Don't start telling her how good you normally are. Talk is cheap here and you'll most definitely sound like a loser. You've just shot your bullets so be humble and recharge for next battle. What's important now is to keep her occupied until you're ready for round 2.

2. Use other parts of your body that are not exhausted. Your dong is gone, but you still got your tongue, your fingers. your toes, your thighs. Whatever keeps her occupied now, USE it. If you're afraid to munch on carpet, you don't deserve any woman.

3. Don't make her feel she's used and unwanted at this stage. Hug her, cuddle her, kiss her, chat with her. That will keep her warm and ready for next round. If you start sleeping at this time, any woman has the right to wash up and leave immediately.

4. Take this chance to say nice things to her. Say she has the best body you've seen or something along that line. Say she was so good you couldn't help about the early spill. Maybe she will believe it was a one-off. Just maybe, but worth a try.

5. If you know you've got the habit of early release, wank it off about half an hour before you and her get into the action. For example, I would sometimes head straight to the bathroom to wank off after checking into the hotel room. Then the next half hour would be spent on talking, watching TV and what not.

When the next battle comes on, your tool won't be leaking so fast. :)

Funny people and queues

A woman approach me and the missus this afternoon in Somerset 313 to help her redeem $10 vouchers from the concierge. She said she'd already redeemed the "limit of one voucher per person per receipt" and thus needed our help.

Being nice, we obliged and helped her redeem two more vouchers. Now, there was something strange about that woman as each receipt had to have a minimum expenditure of SGD100. If that woman had 3 receipts, she would have spent at least SGD300 in 313. That woman definitely didn't carry SGD300 worth of shopping.

Upon redemption of vouchers, the strange woman popped out of nowhere to collect from our hands. The next thing she did was to walk to the nearest bin, chucked her hands in, and began searching for discarded receipts! Mystery solved, those receipts she had were picked up from the bins.

I am surprised that people would go to such lengths to get freebies. Sticking your hands into a bin in Orchard Road isn't what I'd do to redeem a $10 voucher.

I wonder how people actually get news of promotions and bargains so they can queue overnight to enjoy the discounts. I think there must be some form of bulletin board where news are disseminated. Last week, people were queing 12 hours to get into the newly open H&M just so they get a $20 shopping voucher. On Friday, people queued overnight at the airport so they can get a 30% discount on the iPad 2.

Imagine how the situation will be if there's a promotion at the local brothel. The catch is, first 30 customers get a 20% discount. It will be interesting to see how long or restless the Q will be.

Car news: Mini Coupe

Came across this report on yesterday's Straits Times (ST). Seems like Mini are coming out with a few quirky looking models after the Clubman and Countryman.



See story here at BMWblog

I'm surprised the latest isn't called Coupeman but just Coupe. So we're gonna have Mini Cooper and now, Mini Coupe. I'd say it sounds confusing to many Singaporeans.

Rumours are the engine will be a turbo-charged 1.6 with a manual gearbox. This car basically means a Cooper S with a caved-in backside sans the back bench. So now you can't even squeeze two midgets in as passengers. The roof is made of lightweight material and racing strips are optional.

The incoming model will bump up Mini's stable to 4 models, that is not including the various spec differences among each model. News of the Paceman (not to be confused with PacMan) will almost certainly expand the model range to 5 or more in the near future.

Despite all the new models and concepts, I can't see beyond the original Mini (Mr Bean Mini) and the modern Mini.

BMW can come up with the Limoman (a stretch Mini) or Sevenman (MPV Mini) for all I care. Fact remains you can't usurp the place of an icon in the hearts of people.

Have you ever bonked someone famous?

This could be a fantasy of many men (and women) out there - doing a famous woman.

The word famous is really subjective so maybe you'd think screwing the neighbourhood grocery store owner's daughter is a great achievement, or entering a TV actress of some sort.

I've been trying to recall if I have done anyone famous...

Does celebrity blogger count? If yes, I have done it!

Watch review: Stowa Antea Creme

Originally written in Jul 2011.

The Antea Crème arrived in late May, eight months after I ordered it for the missus’ birthday. We were shopping for a serious watch without the bling and diamonds for her to wear for most casual occasions as her hand-me-down 27mm Rollie is a tad too formal and small.

I showed her the Stowa website and she chose the Antea Crème over the KS due to its auto movement and date function. Of course there were other brands to consider from, but I shall not list them in this Antea review.

The large FedEx package looked good enough to protect the watch from most abuse during shipping. I guess this is worth the EUR59 shipping charge.



Moving past the white paper box, this is the standard Stowa aluminum box that owners are familiar with. It looks like a generic metal case lined with printed black faux leather on the inside.



Here you can see the complete set – watch, pouch and papers.



On to the all important watch, the Antea Crème is very well made. It has a clear and simple 3-hand dial with date at 6 o’clock. The Bauhaus fonts and numbering on this one really grip me. The black stick hands and markers are very well executed. Like its model name suggests, the dial is solid crème without any patterns. Markers and numbers are printed.



The extremely thin bezel allows maximum use of the 39mm case. The Antea is almost all-dial, making it wear larger than specs suggest. It is also important to note that the Antea has longer than usual lugs compared to other watches of the same case diameter.



Its straight and angular lugs are also another design element that attracts me and the missus. The flat sapphire crystal adds on to the angular design element.



This is a shot of the beautifully engraved crown. It feels very solid when winding.



The buckle is also signed with Stowa logo and name. Plans for a swap to a mesh bracelet were discarded to make sure this good-looking buckle remained. To my knowledge, there are no Stowa-signed mesh bracelets. I ordered the standard black strap because I feel that an alligator does not match this style of watch.



There seems to be a small gap between the case and crown when the crown is pushed in (look at watch on left). I don’t think this is a big issue although this has to be the biggest gap I have seen after owning several watches.



The engine is an adequately decorated 2824-2. Blue screws and signed rotor. This is the non-COSC version.



While the Antea is not generally considered a formal dress watch, I would still think that it goes better with a long-sleeved Thomas Pink shirt than a Rip Curl T-shirt. No issues on this for me, the lady is going wear this with her nice dresses. The 39mm size works fine for her as it is very common to see women wearing oversized watches these days (at least in my country). I have lost count of the number of B&R and U-BOAT look-alikes on women’s wrist when I walk down Orchard Road. Here’s a wrist shot of her. She needed two extra holes punched at a local watch boutique.



Here’s a wrist shot on me. Look at how long and straight those lugs are. It is as though the case was mounted on a rack.



It has roughly the same lug length as its German brother who is 43mm. That’s my dress watch – Meistersinger No.3 (I should write a review on him too). I used to dream of a larger Antea (about 42mm), but now I think it’s a bad idea because you’d either need to shorten the lugs (and lose originality) or have straight lugs sticking out both sides of your wrist (and look silly).



Thoughts and feelings

The Antea line is truly a great way to get started on Stowa watches. I am aware that the Crème and Black had been discontinued due to movement supply issues. This was why the waiting time for this one was so long. I am sure the KS, 365, 390 and DD will keep the flag flying high and proud for the Antea family. In fact I love the KS for its beautiful manual-wind movement.

Just to re-iterate my admiration for its angular case and lugs, here’s the same photo earlier that shows that the bezel and crystal are almost perpendicular to the side of the case. The watch on the right has a rounded bezel and domed crystal.



While our first Stowa has far exceeded almost all expectations, I suggest they look into the possibility of offering better packaging. Before other fans murder me for igniting a price increase, I feel Jorg can offer the option of having an upgraded box or something.

Some internet brands offer “deluxe packaging” at a small premium. I would do that (say EUR50) for a Stowa watch. That generic aluminum box, pouch and small cards do not befit the quality of Jorg’s products. I remember reading a review here about the 1938 Chrono, and the owner felt the same way as I do regarding the current packaging.

Back to the watch, my lady is very pleased with her gift and agrees that I should get a KS or MO some day. J

Skunk girls with BO

I've come across a few skunks throughout my scoring career. We're talking about women with body odour (BO).

The worst part is, some types BO can't be detected unless you're up close AND naked, or some BO will only build up as the women get excited during action. We'll come back to that in a while.

The usual BO is easily picked up by our noses. No one would mistake the musky, old carpet stench for the latest BodyShop home fragrance. In the MRT, at the gym, at the library, at TopShop, Zara, I can smell a skunk girl 10 metres away.

Back to the stealthy type of BO, which can be quite deadly. Due to some women using really strong perfume, their BO is masked at least until some of the clothes are peeled off. This is when I have big problems, especially when I've already booked the room and set aside 2 -3 hours.

Once, I had this girl who got really stinko as the action heated up. The more aroused she was, the smellier she got. Fifteen mins into the action I suspect she'd morphed into a cockroach, at least from the way she smelled.

It was so bad until I had to stop all action by giving the excuse of not having any rubber. So no football match went on. No goal for me. I spent the next 90 mins watching World Cup football on TV in the hotel room. Argentina beat Ivory Coast 2-1 that night. I was beaten by a skunk. I will always remember her as "cockroach girl".

The ordeal didn't end there. It took me at least 15 showers over the next 2 days to wash off whatever aroma cockroach girl had rubbed on to me. I could have died from drowning in the showers or nose infection from cockroach BO.

Such is the peril of living the high scoring life...

Women should stop posting pedicure pictures

Putting photos of pedicured feet up on Facebook and blogs seem to be the "in thing" among many women. This is a really strange behaviour.

Let me clarify, I like to see a nice pedicure on the woman I date (and enter). To me, this is a sign that she is well-groomed and makes the effort to look good.

However, taking photos of feet or pedicure is fucking meaningless. It's not like we're looking at professional feet and pedicure models here. Some of those "less than average looking" feet can potentially turn me off.

Kylie Minogue once said during an interview when asked about the best looking part of her body, "I've had some of my girlfriends cursing me for my feet. I mean, feet aren't normally the best looking things, but mine are fine I guess."

That says it all, ladies. Keep those blubbery, dried, cracking, deformed, mangled, stubby, crooked or alien-looking feet off the photo albums.

Car news: Suzuki Swift Sport

The latest Swift Sport makes its debut at the Frankfurt Motor Show.



See story here

It's expected to be here in SG next year so this is exciting news for fans of this fun hot hatch. I'm very happy to see a two-door version here and I hope it's the two-door that comes on our shores. The previous version was a nice pocket rocket, but I felt 4-doors don't really suit this type of machines.

The new model gets a new engine (still 1.6 though) and new 6speed manual box. This is plenty fun for drivers who prefer stick shifts. I'm very sure there will be plans to produce this one with an autobox to match our national preference of autos. Bigger wheels and grilles to make this more aggresive than before.

It is strange that the latest generation of Swift Sport bears a huge resemblence to the out going model. I have never seen Suzuki sticking so close to their previous model's designs. Look at the previous models and you'll see what I'm driving at.

The 1983 Swift Gti was boxy.



The 1989 version seems more aerodynamic. I have driven this one on a few occasions. Very stiff ride but quite perky and fun. :) You still see this one on SG roads sometimes.



Then the GTi was briefly replaced by the Ignis Sport, which in my opinion, seem to have gone 10 years backwards to look like the 1983 model. Truly ugly piece of shit.



Then in 2005, the Swift hot hatch returned minus the Gti batch to be called Swift Sport. The 2-door version never made it to SG.



See how similar the 2012 version is to its predecessor?



Perhaps the people at Suzie's feel it's better not to fix it if it ain't broken. The previous model was already good looking, so don't mess around.

Should be a hit among die-hard fans, but don't expect to see this out-sell the previous car thanks to the ridiculous car prices now.

Are you a truckster?

Guys, let's be honest here. Have you ever done a truck?

By truck, I mean women who are not exactly slim. I'm not comfy with using the word F*T here (I don't wanna hurt peoples' feelings), so we'll keep the terms such as truck, lorry and pickup.

My answer for the question is YES. Yes, I have done countless trucks especially when I was much younger, say from late teens to mid-20s.

Am I a truck connoiseur? No.

Do I have a fetish? No.

So why did I take on such huge and unenviable tasks? Simple reason, I was a plumber on heat with no pipes to inspect on those occasions. It's either my hand or the truck. I chose the truck. Nothing to be shameful about.

Of course things got better along the way and I could afford to upgrade a little as I got older (and better in many aspects).

Many of my friends have asked if it was fun driving (into) a truck. I think I ought to share this with guys who aren't so desperate (like I was) or so adventurous.

Trucks, much like their real-life counterparts, are much harder to manoeuvre. They require more arm strength and they are vehicles you don't really want to be seen in.

Just like a real truck cannot park at the main door at any hotel, female trucks don't really facilitate front entry. Best is to choose rear entry where the pillars don't hinder the driver when the action takes place.

One good thing about driving (into) a female truck is that there always seem to be sufficient cushion for you to drive angry. The bigger tires on trucks really come in handy when providing the much needed shock absorbing.

Contrary to believe, a truck doesn't necessarily come with larger headlamps. Truth is, headlamp size does not co-relate with tire size.

I have learnt from my numerous trucking encounters that it is best to leave most of the work to the driver. The prospect of having a one-tonne machine pounding on you and a potential broken gear-shift stick is not very appealing.

Watch news: Grand Seiko 130th Anniversary

This one should be launched soon.



Seiko Website

The Grand Seiko has always had that special quality for me. It is well made, expensive, yet unknown to most watch fans. I really love the reaction people get when they learn that a Seiko can cost as much as an Omega.

Of course there will always be brand snobs who feel that you're an idiot to drop this kind of money "on a Seiko". But without these people, no one would look like they appreciate the finer things in life.

Powered by the newly developed 9S64 handwind movement, this has 72hours power reserve and comes in 3 models - steel, gold and platinum.

What a sexy looking engine.

A pity the designers spoil it by putting a solid caseback. What the fuck are they smoking???


I like the new dial with just Grand Seiko under the 12. It's cleaner and really vintage as opposed to having Seiko then the GS logo like many other watches like this.



More pictures here from Joe of Arizona Fine Time



Expect this to retail for EUR5000 in steel, EUR23500 in platinum and EUR15400 in gold.

Still think Seiko is cheap?

*pictures in blog from Seiko website, Joe of AZFT and Chino Watch website.

Breath spray

This is a useful weapon I carry whenever I go for dates.

The humble breath spray may cost less than SGD5, but I swear it has helped me score plenty of spectacular goals.

Apart from keeping your mouth smelling fresh, it's also a great catalyst for that electrical first-kiss moment.

I've lost count of the number of times this conversation has surfaced when I use my trusty Pearlie White:

Bird, "Why are you always using the mouth spray?"

Plumber, "Oh, I'm spraying so it's nicer when we kiss."


After this, Bird will normally end up asking other questions, such as how many times I've brought women to Lavender, how come I have a special kit in my car, how come I have Play gel available, how come the beach became a hotel, how come I'm inside her.

And it all started with the humble breath spray under SGD5. Amazing.

Who should pay?

This is an age old question when people go on dates.

I'm only interested in women so I will only speak for dates between a men-and-woman couple.

I always think that a guy should be buying the lady a nice meal and movie on their first date. It does not guarantee that you put on your hands into her skirt, but scrimping on SGD100 means you'll have to put your own hands to your own dong to release the pressure in the end.

Unless the girl has a dogface, or you want bigger forearms, I'd say please her so she can please you.

I've heard horror stories of losers collecting money for movie tickets or splitting the dinner bill. I wonder where these guys came from. If that 10 or 20bux matter so much, DON'T date a girl. Date your left hand or right hand.

Here are some comparisons between dating Hand and Woman:

Woman makes sounds,
Hand is mute.
Woman wins.

Woman offers multi entry points.
Hand overs only one fitted wrap.
Woman wins.

Woman has friends (and maybe sister whom you can enter).
Hand is alone.
Woman wins.

Woman has many hairstyles (shaved, waxed or bush)
Hand generally is bald.
Woman wins.

Woman is fitted with twin headlamps.
Hand has one or two calluses.
Woman wins.



So now you know the importance of buying dinner and movies on dates.

Toyota Celica (first gen)

Saw this one a while back in a carpark at Robertson Quay. Pardon my camera phone photos.







I consider the first generation Celica a real beauty and true classic. You don't find too many Japanese cars that look so good after 20-30 years. Yes, at the altar there will be the Civic EGs, CRXs, and also the Miatas, but the Celica has more curves and possibly less electronics to worry about. It is much older than the other 3 cars.

Stock pics where you can see the side mirrors mounted at the hood. I like.



I also had good fortune to see this one on the road recently. Beautiful pearl effect body colour.



It runs on carburetors, and if I remembered correctly, you'd need to manually wind the windows too.

I'm not too sure how many are still prowling the roads in SG these days. But I sure hope they fight on for many more years to come. These simple, ol' school machines are proving to be more lasting than modern cars full of useless gadgets (read DRL, steering volume controls).

I wonder if I'll be driving this one today if my old man hadn't sold his back in 1986. I had fond memories of climbing into the back row via the fold/slide down front seats and the retro-fitted A/C unit.

Wanna guess how much moola these bad boys cost back then?







SGD5000.

Fuck me. I love 1986.